Kelly shares about navigating a rigid 2x2 upbringing, surviving a life-altering near-death experience, and how commitment to the 12-step program allowed her to overcome the destructive habits that brought her to a crossroads. She also discusses the profound validation she found in the recent scandal exposure within the church and explores how creativity and memoir writing serve as powerful tools for healing from religious trauma. ~ Mike Prussack
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I GAVE UP BELIEF FOR LENT
Not really. (I’m not Catholic.)
A fellow ex-2x2 member interviewed me on his YouTube channel Beyond Religion, and the first question was: where do my beliefs lie now?
Somewhere along the way, I gave up belief.
It is a relief to stop believing. (No offense, Journey.)
I ran across the idea of falling into faith while reading I Would Die If I Were You: Notes on Art and Truth-Telling by Emily Rapp Black who I recently interviewed - stay tuned.
It struck me because if we don’t need lifting, then faith isn’t rescue, elevation, or escape from being human. It’s not upward mobility of the soul. It may be closer to falling into what already is.
That fits Simone Weil’s use of gravity in another way: reality has its own pull. What falls away is illusion, control, false transcendence.
“Grace is the law of the descending movement.”
— Simone Weil
“To lower oneself is to rise in the domain of moral gravity. Moral gravity makes us fall towards the heights.”
— Simone Weil
Maybe faith is not rising above life, but surrendering to it.
Not transcendence, but contact.
Not escape, but consent to what is.
Between reading Emily’s book and my conversation with Mike, I realized that somewhere along the way, I had fallen into faith.
By that, I don’t mean religion.
I don’t mean belief.
I don’t mean the adoption of a creed.
It happened while I wasn’t looking.
The little girl I was—traumatized by religion, spiritually violated—found her way to a place where falling is faith.
Because there are no rocks beneath.
There is no ground below.
My arms, buoyed by air, rise like wings.
There’s nothing I need to believe.
Nothing I need to do.
Julian of Norwich, who also survived a near-death experience, wrote:
“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”
At its turning point, something breaks open. The old order collapses. An age of spiritual alignment begins again
The signs of the turning, they said, would be unmistakable.
🙏🏻
Meanwhile
Faith that ignores harm is only atmosphere.
Some of us know this pattern intimately.
I was raised inside it.
CNN reports on hidden online networks where men allegedly share tactics for drugging, raping, filming, and profiting from the abuse of wives and partners.
The world keeps on worlding.
Press the heart so more people can see this. Your support matters. Reach out anytime in my DMs or by email. I love hearing from you. ❤️🔥
If you’re healing from high-control groups:
High Control Groups: Resources and Support for Survivors
I was born and raised in the 2x2s. This page is for people recovering from high control groups and finding their way to themselves.
High Control Groups: Resources and Support for Survivors
One Thing:
For one minute, stop reaching.
Feel what already holds you.
On Repeat
Related Reading
Hotel Cult: You Can Check Out But You Can Never Leave
TNWWY(ATNW) exists to advocate for the recognition and full access to the original wholeness that is our birthright, no matter what we have faced. This space is here to deconstruct everything that stands in the way. Support this post.
To hear about the NDE I had at nineteen and how it still guides me today, listen to my conversation with Mike on Beyond Religion above.
Press the heart so more people can see this. Your support matters. Reach out anytime in my DMs or by email. I love hearing from you. ❤️🔥
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Thank you @Dr. Bronce Rice
Kelly, your language traverses both worlds, the one before and the one after. Maybe a few more. You're fluent in the language of separation—"a peculiar people"—and the isolation and loneliness that goes with it, symptom of "not being of this world." And you speak the language of people who have never entered the world of religion. Most comforting to me is the language of experience, the world we can all return to when we feel ourselves gripping something that doesn't serve. You call it falling. I call it taking in water. Thank you for taking the time to translate your experience into a breadcrumb trail for others just like us. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH US, AND THERE NEVER WAS.